Taking the Self Out of Self-Confidence
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Self-confidence is the inner knowing that, despite any obstacles, we can be who we want to be, think for ourselves, speak with conviction and do what we choose to do. Self-confidence can shine inside us like an eternal flame, regardless of events or conditions in our world.
We all come into being equipped with self-confidence, but life is unpredictable and often, somewhere along the way, we can get the wind knocked out of our sails. While we can’t control what comes our way, we can take charge of how we respond to challenges. More often than not, we have the capacity to trim our sails and get back on course. Or choose another one.
However, self-confidence can be lost at any age due to ongoing or intense trauma, shaming, ridicule, rejection, criticism, abuse or failure. Even in utero. We now know, for example, that prolonged exposure to a mother’s stress hormones can disrupt her baby’s hormonal balance, harming delicate neural pathways. These children respond to life as if they are under constant siege, and this behavioral pattern can continue on into adulthood unless addressed.
So, what can you do if your life has dished up one too many challenges, you are overwhelmed, your self-confidence has gone A.W.O.L. and you feel the need to hide out under a rock?
Or what if, over the years, you have successfully used any one of a million wonderful confidence-building techniques, but you’re tired of getting up the gumption one more time? These techniques work but they require strong intent, energy and focus.
If you find yourself stopped at every juncture with fear, dread or doubt, and want to take a different approach there is a simple, elegant solution!
Take the self out of self-confidence.
Practice the art of confident expectation.
Confident expectation is a powerful approach to living that puts you smack dab in the middle of the flow of life as the powerful, whole participant you are, regardless of any past history.
Rather than focusing on inner deficits, you begin by looking outward at your world and noticing what is right, what is working well and what is beautiful. You begin to trust that life is offering you exactly the opportunities you need, at just the time you need them.
As you notice each positive experience, you begin to trust in the rightness of things, knowing that when you take action and speak up, the universe is rooting for you! Confident expectation opens doors to new levels of participation in your world—new possibilities for co-creative endeavor at its best.
Confident expectation is not wishful thinking, or vague hoping and dreaming—it’s reality-based and visceral. It combines crystal clear vision of what can be, detail by detail, with the actual physical sensation of its achievement.
Here’s a short affirmation you can use daily to remind yourself that you are not an isolated actor. In reality, you are an important part of a bigger, universal play:
“I know I am in the right place at the right time.
I have been gifted with everything I need for this very moment.
I confidently play my part!”
Say this affirmation aloud. Then open yourself to the possibility that this day may bring something wonderful that you weren’t at all expecting. A beneficial new connection. An inspired solution to a problem. A helping hand in time of need. A heart-warming conversation. A powerful moment of insight.
Begin to expect and welcome unexpected twists and turns in your journey. Open all your senses to possibility. Smile! Ask yourself:
“I wonder what marvelous experience is coming my way today?”
Celebrating your confidence!
Eliza
Creatives’ Coach Eliza Bergeson is the author of The Yes! in Success: How To Be The Star You Are And Live The Life You Love.
She works her magic with creative individuals—entrepreneurs, speakers, writers, visual and performing artists; people who are ready to transform bright vision into gratifying outcomes in their businesses and their lives. If that sounds like you, visit her site, www.elizabergeson.com, for more FREE success-building resources.
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